Post by dharrisburg on Jul 29, 2005 18:31:55 GMT -5
OK, since I came to Oregon I've seen a lot of movies. I'll give a quick rundown of the ones I've seen and you can tell me if I am an idiot or not. Here we go;
Dark Water
Starring: Jennifer Connelly, Ariel Gade, Tim Roth, and John C. Reilly
I liked this movie when it was called "The Ring." I wasn't too fond of it when it was called "The Grudge." I hated it when it was called "Dark Water." Seriously, this movie is basically the shitty version of "The Ring." Only redeeming factor is that Jennifer Connelly is pretty hot. Mabye rent this when it comes out on DVD.
Bad News Bears
Starring: Billy Bob Thorton, Greg Kinnear, Marcia Gay Harden, and Sammi Kane Kraft
I've come to realize something; either Billy Bob Thorton is a deadbeat drunk in real life, or he's just really really good at playing them in movies. I get the feeling it's the former, especially after Ass-N-Titties dumped him for malasian kids and Brad Pitt. Fortunately for good old Bobby, it works. If you've seen "Bad Santa," imagine the same movie, but take out the Santa gig and the anal sex jokes and add some little kids swearing and cripple jokes. Yeah, cripple jokes. One of the kids on the team is in a motorized wheel chair and loves to remind people about it at every chance he gets. If you've seen any other kid sports movie (Little Giants, Angels in the Outfield, Mighty Ducks XXIV: Knucklepuck Strikes Again), you'll know exactly how this movie goes: kids who suck at sports get better and go to the championship game again the rich faggots coached by the bigger faggot who owns a car dealership (no joke), and somewhere along the line a girl joins the team. Basically, this movie is "Little Giants," but way funnier and baseball. Go see this in theatres if you have some spare time.
War of the Worlds
Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, and Tim Robbins
I had high hopes for this movie. All the trailers I saw looked like crazy "alien slaughtering the whole human race" action. The first half hour is pretty awesome. You get to meet this deadbeat dad who lives in Jersey and loads containers onto ships, and his bratty son and daughter. Then, a bigtime storm hits and shit hits the fan. The movie continues to be awesome, up until the point where you realize that A. there is absolutely no storyline to this movie at all, B. the special effects wore off their effect and are no longer special, and C. Tommy's pretty face ain't going to float this film across like it did for "Cocktail."
At first, I thought "boy it's about time some aliens get to vaporize the shit out of the world in a movie without Will Smith yelling "OH HELL NAW!" Then I realized that I don't really enjoy watching the human race get obliterated by some silly space-tripods. Some people like this movie, and I probably would too, if it wasn't for the aformentioned complete lack of story. If you think you might enjoy watching Tom Cruise run around, or if you would like to hear Dakota Fanning scream non-stop for two hours, go see War of the Worlds. If not, skip this one. Don't even bother renting it, unless you have a sick theatre setup at you house because honestly the only reason to watch this movie is the special effects and sound.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly, and Helena Bonham Carter
When I heard this movie was getting remade, I was glad. When I heard it was starring Johnny Depp, I was excited. When I heard Tim Burton was directing, I think a little pee came out. Do I even need to tell you to go see this movie? God damn, it's as if Alton Brown, Betty Crocker, and Jesus Christ got together to bake a cake.
I could go into all the reason why this movie is awesome, but I'm pretty sure it's irrevelant. I'll just leave it at this;
Casting- Flawless
Acting- Fantastic
Visuals- Amazing
Story- Classic
and, in my opinion, one of the best reasons to go see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory;"
New Oompa Loompa Songs: Holy Shit
Wedding Crashers
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Christopher Walken, and Rachel McAdams
I'm going to be honest; I was a little skeptical going into this one. Yeah, I like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, but it seems like in the last few years movies like this have been pumped out. Yeah, I liked Old School, I thought Dodgeball was pretty funny, Anchorman has some funny lines, but when would the jokes run out? It seemed like the same group of actors were making the same kind of movies, and Wedding Crashers seemed to be in the same vein as all the previous mentioned movies.
Luckily, Wedding Crashers manages to separate itself from the rest of the bunch. The premise is pretty funny; two white-collar buddies look forward to the annual wedding season, where they crash parties with fake names and fake backrounds to dance, eat, have fun, and most importantly, have sex with various good looking women. The idea is that women get so wrapped up (sidenote: I'm writing this review in the car, and the other guy I work with was changing the radio and some reggaeton came on. He then said "I hate this kind of music," and changed the station. Then, in a faux-reggaeton voice, started singing "I'm a latino, I'm a latino, I'm a latino," then added "go pet your chihuahua.") in the whole wedding mood that they get super horny and want to fuck. So these two go on screwing hot bridesmaids, until one gets crossed up with a crazy, obsessed girl and the other falls in love with her engaged sister. Hilarious hijinks, including a dinner table jerk-off, ensue.
The jokes are good enough to carry the movie alone, and Vince Vaughn is hilarious, while Owen Wilson rehashes his lovey-dovey roles from "Bottlerocket" and "The Live Aquatic with Steve Zissou." Go see this movie if you like good looking women, Vince Vaughn, laughing, Owen Wilson, titties, or hilarious cameos.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, and Adam Brody
VINCE VAUGHN DOES IT AGAIN! I swear to God, VV is one of the most under-rated actors in film today. Well, I'm not going to say he's one of the most under-rated actors in film today, but he's fucking hilarious. I know it sounds like I've got a huge hard-on for the guy, but he was awesome in this movie.
I'm sure everybody knows all the bullshit that went on behind the scenes in this movie. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie touched each other's butts, more or less, and Pitt's ugly wife got all bent out of shape and they got a divorce, or something like that. I'm sure Brad really gives a fuck, considering Angelina has a huge butt and some floppy tits that I would like to punch. Plus, it looks like she's allergic to bees and got stung in the lips by a swarm of bees (that's a good thing). But I'm getting off topic;
Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a pretty good movie. Not a great movie, but not bad. The premise goes something like this; two good looking people meet, get married in a week, and go about their lives, but they've both got a big secret. Both are super-assassins, but keep their assassin life a secret from their spouse. You'll find yourself saying "what the fuck why don't they ever notice that there are ridiculous weapons hidden all over the house" or "there is absolutely no way this could ever plausibly work in the real world" but guess what, it's a movie so shut up, sit back,and enjoy it, Lynam (I'm pretty sure Ed is the only person that will get this joke). Anyway, both of them get assigned to the same hit, and this is where the movie takes it's big turn.
The one big thing this movie has going for it (other than the main character's beauty) is it's style, followed by it's character. Stylistically, the movie shines. The Smith household is worthy of it's own Cribs episode, while the wardrobe in the movie is straight out of an issue of GQ or Vanity Fair. The whole movie portrays an lavish, but empty relationship between Pitt and Jolie, heightened by scenes like dinner time at the Smith house, which has more utensils than conversation.
The action scenes are pretty impressive, but once again, completely ridiculous. We're talking Arnold in True Lies ridiculous. Overall, the movie is pretty good and worth a watch in theaters, if you get the chance.
Star Wars Episode III- Return of the Sith
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, and Samuel L. Jackson aka that gangsta ass jedi
I remember watching Episode I back in high school and not being very impressed. When Episode II came out, I never got around to seeing it. I wasn't even planning on seeing Episode III, but I was bored one day so I went to see it.
Epic. The effects are pretty sick, acting is good, plus, most importantly, NO MOTHERFUCKING JAR-JAR. Well, that's not true, he has a cameo in the end but thank God it's not a speaking part. Episode III does a really good job of tying up strings and making a nice transition to Episode IV. The only frustrating thing about this movie was that I already knew what happens, but still sat in the theater telling myself "oh hay maybe he'll get out of this tricky situation!" Oh well, go see this movie ok.
Batman Begins
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, and Morgan Freeman,
Let's get something straight, every Batman movie after the first one sucked dick (well the second one was good only because when I make fun of ugly people I can compare them to Danny DeVito as the Penguin). Especially Batman and Robin. Clooney, how could you do me so wrong? Because of this, when I heard a new Batman movie was coming out, I told myself I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. Then it came out, and Rusnak told me it was awesome. Yeah, I know, he likes Guns 'N Roses, but for some reason I actually valued his opinion on this one because he's somewhat of a Batman fanyboy, and if it was bad, he'd be pissed.
Here's what I didn't like about the movie; why the fuck is Batman a ninja? I'm pretty sure that was a result of a bunch of writers sitting around thinking "gee what is the coolest thing in the world that every heterosexual man in the world wants to be? oh NINJAS HAY LET'S MAKE BATMAN A NINJA EXXXXXTREME!!!!" Anyway, the ninja stuff is cool but honestly NINJA? Batman isn't a fucking ninja, he's just some rich dude who hits the gym.
Also, there were a lot of things in the movie that made me think "wow that would never ever happen ever." Yes, I usually try to ignore that kind of stuff, especially when I'm watching an action movie, but it seemed like they were trying to make it somewhat realistic, so I'm gonna bitch. Batmobile. Yeah, I guess something like that could exist, but I'm pretty fucking sure that if there was only one in the world, like there was in the movie, SOMEBODY WOULD NOTICE IT WAS GONE. That goes double when it starts showing up on the 11 o'clock new wreaking havoc across Gotham. Oh well.
Finally, please, hollywood, stop doing halfass twists in movies. Yes, there is a twist in this movie, and yes, it's pretty fucking gay.
What I did like; Christian Bale is pretty awesome, Alfred was mega-awesome, as was the batcave and Scarecrow. Scarecrow effects were also mega-awesome. I'm getting tired of writing about this movie so just go see it already sheesh.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigilio
Starring: Rob Scheineder, Eddie Griffith, Hanna Verboom, and Jeroen Krabbé
Let's get this out of the way right now; occasionally, I like shitty movies. Yes, there is a possibility that DB:EG is shitty. If you've read any other reviews for it, you probably either think that A. it's horrible and is basically non-stop dick jokes, B. there are no movie reviewers who are brave enough to say they liked a shitty movie, or C, there are no movie reviewers who have any sense of humor. The truth is probably a mix of all three. Yes, the humor in DB:EG is pretty low-brow, but there's been a ton of movies that have utilized low-brow humor and got away with it. The only difference is that, because Rob Scheineder and Eddie Griffith are quasi-washed up actors, it's not acceptable. Case in point: critics are cool with Ben Stiller busting a nut and Cameron Diaz putting it in her hair, but if Eddie Griffith calls Deuce's manhood a "she-nis," all bets are off WORST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER OH GOD HOW DOES THIS FILTH MAKE IT TO THE BOX OFFICE. This review is turning into a rant on why I hate movie reviewers, so I'll end it with this: they're a bunch of overpaid douchebags (seriously who makes a living off of watching movies then telling people about it) who will never admit to liking a movie that dosen't involve; outrageous special effects, mega-drama, a directing credit for Michael Bay, a start as an indie film, or Tom Cruise. In rare occasions, if they did like the movie, they will say so in the review, but still give it .5 out of 4 stars.
Reasons "Deuce Bigalow: European Giggilo" kinda sucks
The Plot:The story goes as this: Deuce still lives in California (or wherever the first one took place), but his wife from the first movie is dead (eaten by a shark, they were feeding turtles with lettuce but Deuce "forgot the lettuce had meat sauce on it"). Don't worry, all this is told within the first few minutes so you're not spoiling much by reading this. There is a wild mishap, and when TJ (Deuce's former He-Madam) calls, inviting Deuce to Amsterdam, Deuce is on the next flight. Apparently, there is a giggilo killer on the loose in Europe, and TJ wants Deuce to help him find out who it is. Shaky at best, but what do you expect going to the sequel to Deuce Bigalow: Male Giggilo.
The Dates: One of the somewhat-funny parts of the first Deuce Bigalow film was the wild women he got paired up with ("Did you say steak?"). They bring this premise back from the first movie, but it sucks. Why? Three reasons. First, the whole idea seems tacked-on. When Deuce and TJ figure out that the prosti-dude killer is a female, they assume it's a she-John and try to piece together all the women that had sex with the dead giggilos. Obviously, Deuce must then go on a date with them to find out if they are the real killer. Second, the characters are dumb. They completely rehash one role, and the other roles are just dumb sight-gags that fall pretty flat. Third,
Length: The movie is pretty short (1 hr 25 min). I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing, but the movie definately feels pretty short. Who knows, maybe if it were longer, I'd be bitching that it was too long, but as it is, it seemed like they could have put more funny stuff in and made it longer.
Reasons "Deuce Bigalow: European Giggilo" is awesome
Eddie Griffith: This guy is hilarious
Shitty Humor: I think there's a big reason why I enjoy the humor in DB:EG. It's because it's stuff that my buddies and I would say to each other. There's a "yo momma" joke in this movie that made me laugh out loud for five minutes. Somebody in the theatre told me to shut up.
Hanna Verboom: Remember when I said that Deuce's wife is dead? I think I know why that happened: whoever made this movie realized that she wasn't that great looking, so they killed her off and replaced her with Hanna Verboom. Holy shit. You see her in her underwear in this movie and I am being 100% honest when I say that if you are a heterosexual male any qualms you had about paying $8.50 to watch a Deuce Bigalow sequel will go straight out the window. Here look I found this photo of her on the internet
THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME GO WATCH IT
Dark Water
Starring: Jennifer Connelly, Ariel Gade, Tim Roth, and John C. Reilly
I liked this movie when it was called "The Ring." I wasn't too fond of it when it was called "The Grudge." I hated it when it was called "Dark Water." Seriously, this movie is basically the shitty version of "The Ring." Only redeeming factor is that Jennifer Connelly is pretty hot. Mabye rent this when it comes out on DVD.
Bad News Bears
Starring: Billy Bob Thorton, Greg Kinnear, Marcia Gay Harden, and Sammi Kane Kraft
I've come to realize something; either Billy Bob Thorton is a deadbeat drunk in real life, or he's just really really good at playing them in movies. I get the feeling it's the former, especially after Ass-N-Titties dumped him for malasian kids and Brad Pitt. Fortunately for good old Bobby, it works. If you've seen "Bad Santa," imagine the same movie, but take out the Santa gig and the anal sex jokes and add some little kids swearing and cripple jokes. Yeah, cripple jokes. One of the kids on the team is in a motorized wheel chair and loves to remind people about it at every chance he gets. If you've seen any other kid sports movie (Little Giants, Angels in the Outfield, Mighty Ducks XXIV: Knucklepuck Strikes Again), you'll know exactly how this movie goes: kids who suck at sports get better and go to the championship game again the rich faggots coached by the bigger faggot who owns a car dealership (no joke), and somewhere along the line a girl joins the team. Basically, this movie is "Little Giants," but way funnier and baseball. Go see this in theatres if you have some spare time.
War of the Worlds
Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Justin Chatwin, and Tim Robbins
I had high hopes for this movie. All the trailers I saw looked like crazy "alien slaughtering the whole human race" action. The first half hour is pretty awesome. You get to meet this deadbeat dad who lives in Jersey and loads containers onto ships, and his bratty son and daughter. Then, a bigtime storm hits and shit hits the fan. The movie continues to be awesome, up until the point where you realize that A. there is absolutely no storyline to this movie at all, B. the special effects wore off their effect and are no longer special, and C. Tommy's pretty face ain't going to float this film across like it did for "Cocktail."
At first, I thought "boy it's about time some aliens get to vaporize the shit out of the world in a movie without Will Smith yelling "OH HELL NAW!" Then I realized that I don't really enjoy watching the human race get obliterated by some silly space-tripods. Some people like this movie, and I probably would too, if it wasn't for the aformentioned complete lack of story. If you think you might enjoy watching Tom Cruise run around, or if you would like to hear Dakota Fanning scream non-stop for two hours, go see War of the Worlds. If not, skip this one. Don't even bother renting it, unless you have a sick theatre setup at you house because honestly the only reason to watch this movie is the special effects and sound.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly, and Helena Bonham Carter
When I heard this movie was getting remade, I was glad. When I heard it was starring Johnny Depp, I was excited. When I heard Tim Burton was directing, I think a little pee came out. Do I even need to tell you to go see this movie? God damn, it's as if Alton Brown, Betty Crocker, and Jesus Christ got together to bake a cake.
I could go into all the reason why this movie is awesome, but I'm pretty sure it's irrevelant. I'll just leave it at this;
Casting- Flawless
Acting- Fantastic
Visuals- Amazing
Story- Classic
and, in my opinion, one of the best reasons to go see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory;"
New Oompa Loompa Songs: Holy Shit
Wedding Crashers
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Christopher Walken, and Rachel McAdams
I'm going to be honest; I was a little skeptical going into this one. Yeah, I like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, but it seems like in the last few years movies like this have been pumped out. Yeah, I liked Old School, I thought Dodgeball was pretty funny, Anchorman has some funny lines, but when would the jokes run out? It seemed like the same group of actors were making the same kind of movies, and Wedding Crashers seemed to be in the same vein as all the previous mentioned movies.
Luckily, Wedding Crashers manages to separate itself from the rest of the bunch. The premise is pretty funny; two white-collar buddies look forward to the annual wedding season, where they crash parties with fake names and fake backrounds to dance, eat, have fun, and most importantly, have sex with various good looking women. The idea is that women get so wrapped up (sidenote: I'm writing this review in the car, and the other guy I work with was changing the radio and some reggaeton came on. He then said "I hate this kind of music," and changed the station. Then, in a faux-reggaeton voice, started singing "I'm a latino, I'm a latino, I'm a latino," then added "go pet your chihuahua.") in the whole wedding mood that they get super horny and want to fuck. So these two go on screwing hot bridesmaids, until one gets crossed up with a crazy, obsessed girl and the other falls in love with her engaged sister. Hilarious hijinks, including a dinner table jerk-off, ensue.
The jokes are good enough to carry the movie alone, and Vince Vaughn is hilarious, while Owen Wilson rehashes his lovey-dovey roles from "Bottlerocket" and "The Live Aquatic with Steve Zissou." Go see this movie if you like good looking women, Vince Vaughn, laughing, Owen Wilson, titties, or hilarious cameos.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn, and Adam Brody
VINCE VAUGHN DOES IT AGAIN! I swear to God, VV is one of the most under-rated actors in film today. Well, I'm not going to say he's one of the most under-rated actors in film today, but he's fucking hilarious. I know it sounds like I've got a huge hard-on for the guy, but he was awesome in this movie.
I'm sure everybody knows all the bullshit that went on behind the scenes in this movie. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie touched each other's butts, more or less, and Pitt's ugly wife got all bent out of shape and they got a divorce, or something like that. I'm sure Brad really gives a fuck, considering Angelina has a huge butt and some floppy tits that I would like to punch. Plus, it looks like she's allergic to bees and got stung in the lips by a swarm of bees (that's a good thing). But I'm getting off topic;
Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a pretty good movie. Not a great movie, but not bad. The premise goes something like this; two good looking people meet, get married in a week, and go about their lives, but they've both got a big secret. Both are super-assassins, but keep their assassin life a secret from their spouse. You'll find yourself saying "what the fuck why don't they ever notice that there are ridiculous weapons hidden all over the house" or "there is absolutely no way this could ever plausibly work in the real world" but guess what, it's a movie so shut up, sit back,and enjoy it, Lynam (I'm pretty sure Ed is the only person that will get this joke). Anyway, both of them get assigned to the same hit, and this is where the movie takes it's big turn.
The one big thing this movie has going for it (other than the main character's beauty) is it's style, followed by it's character. Stylistically, the movie shines. The Smith household is worthy of it's own Cribs episode, while the wardrobe in the movie is straight out of an issue of GQ or Vanity Fair. The whole movie portrays an lavish, but empty relationship between Pitt and Jolie, heightened by scenes like dinner time at the Smith house, which has more utensils than conversation.
The action scenes are pretty impressive, but once again, completely ridiculous. We're talking Arnold in True Lies ridiculous. Overall, the movie is pretty good and worth a watch in theaters, if you get the chance.
Star Wars Episode III- Return of the Sith
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, and Samuel L. Jackson aka that gangsta ass jedi
I remember watching Episode I back in high school and not being very impressed. When Episode II came out, I never got around to seeing it. I wasn't even planning on seeing Episode III, but I was bored one day so I went to see it.
Epic. The effects are pretty sick, acting is good, plus, most importantly, NO MOTHERFUCKING JAR-JAR. Well, that's not true, he has a cameo in the end but thank God it's not a speaking part. Episode III does a really good job of tying up strings and making a nice transition to Episode IV. The only frustrating thing about this movie was that I already knew what happens, but still sat in the theater telling myself "oh hay maybe he'll get out of this tricky situation!" Oh well, go see this movie ok.
Batman Begins
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, and Morgan Freeman,
Let's get something straight, every Batman movie after the first one sucked dick (well the second one was good only because when I make fun of ugly people I can compare them to Danny DeVito as the Penguin). Especially Batman and Robin. Clooney, how could you do me so wrong? Because of this, when I heard a new Batman movie was coming out, I told myself I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. Then it came out, and Rusnak told me it was awesome. Yeah, I know, he likes Guns 'N Roses, but for some reason I actually valued his opinion on this one because he's somewhat of a Batman fanyboy, and if it was bad, he'd be pissed.
Here's what I didn't like about the movie; why the fuck is Batman a ninja? I'm pretty sure that was a result of a bunch of writers sitting around thinking "gee what is the coolest thing in the world that every heterosexual man in the world wants to be? oh NINJAS HAY LET'S MAKE BATMAN A NINJA EXXXXXTREME!!!!" Anyway, the ninja stuff is cool but honestly NINJA? Batman isn't a fucking ninja, he's just some rich dude who hits the gym.
Also, there were a lot of things in the movie that made me think "wow that would never ever happen ever." Yes, I usually try to ignore that kind of stuff, especially when I'm watching an action movie, but it seemed like they were trying to make it somewhat realistic, so I'm gonna bitch. Batmobile. Yeah, I guess something like that could exist, but I'm pretty fucking sure that if there was only one in the world, like there was in the movie, SOMEBODY WOULD NOTICE IT WAS GONE. That goes double when it starts showing up on the 11 o'clock new wreaking havoc across Gotham. Oh well.
Finally, please, hollywood, stop doing halfass twists in movies. Yes, there is a twist in this movie, and yes, it's pretty fucking gay.
What I did like; Christian Bale is pretty awesome, Alfred was mega-awesome, as was the batcave and Scarecrow. Scarecrow effects were also mega-awesome. I'm getting tired of writing about this movie so just go see it already sheesh.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigilio
Starring: Rob Scheineder, Eddie Griffith, Hanna Verboom, and Jeroen Krabbé
Let's get this out of the way right now; occasionally, I like shitty movies. Yes, there is a possibility that DB:EG is shitty. If you've read any other reviews for it, you probably either think that A. it's horrible and is basically non-stop dick jokes, B. there are no movie reviewers who are brave enough to say they liked a shitty movie, or C, there are no movie reviewers who have any sense of humor. The truth is probably a mix of all three. Yes, the humor in DB:EG is pretty low-brow, but there's been a ton of movies that have utilized low-brow humor and got away with it. The only difference is that, because Rob Scheineder and Eddie Griffith are quasi-washed up actors, it's not acceptable. Case in point: critics are cool with Ben Stiller busting a nut and Cameron Diaz putting it in her hair, but if Eddie Griffith calls Deuce's manhood a "she-nis," all bets are off WORST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER OH GOD HOW DOES THIS FILTH MAKE IT TO THE BOX OFFICE. This review is turning into a rant on why I hate movie reviewers, so I'll end it with this: they're a bunch of overpaid douchebags (seriously who makes a living off of watching movies then telling people about it) who will never admit to liking a movie that dosen't involve; outrageous special effects, mega-drama, a directing credit for Michael Bay, a start as an indie film, or Tom Cruise. In rare occasions, if they did like the movie, they will say so in the review, but still give it .5 out of 4 stars.
Reasons "Deuce Bigalow: European Giggilo" kinda sucks
The Plot:The story goes as this: Deuce still lives in California (or wherever the first one took place), but his wife from the first movie is dead (eaten by a shark, they were feeding turtles with lettuce but Deuce "forgot the lettuce had meat sauce on it"). Don't worry, all this is told within the first few minutes so you're not spoiling much by reading this. There is a wild mishap, and when TJ (Deuce's former He-Madam) calls, inviting Deuce to Amsterdam, Deuce is on the next flight. Apparently, there is a giggilo killer on the loose in Europe, and TJ wants Deuce to help him find out who it is. Shaky at best, but what do you expect going to the sequel to Deuce Bigalow: Male Giggilo.
The Dates: One of the somewhat-funny parts of the first Deuce Bigalow film was the wild women he got paired up with ("Did you say steak?"). They bring this premise back from the first movie, but it sucks. Why? Three reasons. First, the whole idea seems tacked-on. When Deuce and TJ figure out that the prosti-dude killer is a female, they assume it's a she-John and try to piece together all the women that had sex with the dead giggilos. Obviously, Deuce must then go on a date with them to find out if they are the real killer. Second, the characters are dumb. They completely rehash one role, and the other roles are just dumb sight-gags that fall pretty flat. Third,
Length: The movie is pretty short (1 hr 25 min). I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing, but the movie definately feels pretty short. Who knows, maybe if it were longer, I'd be bitching that it was too long, but as it is, it seemed like they could have put more funny stuff in and made it longer.
Reasons "Deuce Bigalow: European Giggilo" is awesome
Eddie Griffith: This guy is hilarious
Shitty Humor: I think there's a big reason why I enjoy the humor in DB:EG. It's because it's stuff that my buddies and I would say to each other. There's a "yo momma" joke in this movie that made me laugh out loud for five minutes. Somebody in the theatre told me to shut up.
Hanna Verboom: Remember when I said that Deuce's wife is dead? I think I know why that happened: whoever made this movie realized that she wasn't that great looking, so they killed her off and replaced her with Hanna Verboom. Holy shit. You see her in her underwear in this movie and I am being 100% honest when I say that if you are a heterosexual male any qualms you had about paying $8.50 to watch a Deuce Bigalow sequel will go straight out the window. Here look I found this photo of her on the internet
THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME GO WATCH IT